Jam Session #76 - The Geocities Acquisition

 

While my good friend Elon is embroiled in his acquisition of Twitter (I warned him he wasn't thinking big enough), I've been busy at work on my own social network acquisition.  After years of negotiations, I'm proud to announce my bid to acquire Geocities. 

An announcement like this always comes with some level of controversy, so I'd like to address a few things up front.

  
Regulatory Approval
The word "monopoly" and "competition" have come up repeatedly since my good friend Dan Rather leaked word of this acquisition to the head of the FTC at a golf tournament in Boca Raton.  I realize that the two most powerful entities in dance and entertainment coming together might worry people, but I can assure you, I will keep the spirit of competition alive.  I promise to continue to personally participate in dance competitions both here and abroad.  

 

My Time
Yes, I will be splitting my time between both companies.  And both will thrive.  Here's how.

 

 

To borrow an illustration from my good friend John Franklyn Mars, Dance Party Innovations is like a Twix.  As you open it, your senses are assaulted with the trappings of a crunchy, delicious, chocolate treat.  As you finish consuming this incredible gift, and the tears begin to clear from your eyes, you glance down and realize there's a second bar inside.  A bounty of equal satisfaction.  Just as there are two perfect treats in a pack of Twix, there will be two perfect companies in a pack of Dance Party Innovation.    

 

Workforce
To the thousands of city builders currently at Geocities, you are safe.  Our plan is not to shrink, but expand.  Even with the massive financial losses Geocities is taking right now, our HR team at DPI is doubling down, and we have already begun the hiring process for thousands of general contractors, plumbers, electricians, and other tradesman.  You will not be alone.  We are not here to slowly wither and die, we are here to grow.  And we won't rest until this Geocity... is a Geogalaxy.

 

To those who still have questions, I'm sure they will be answered the next time I'm pulled before congress.  In the meantime, don't ever give up hope.  Your dreams are attainable.  Especially if that dream is to own the largest and greatest social network of all time.

 

Jam

 

Note from Jam's Third Assistant, Serge LaMont IV
While this transition may take time, we have a few resources out there to help people during the transition.
https://www.oocities.org
https://www.wonder-tonic.com/geocitiesizer/

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Investor Relations Contact

Bartholomew Bandersnatch

Bartholomew@dancedifferently.com

 

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